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I need more than maybe

By Aaron in : Blog // Oct 19 2010

My feelings about the hardest years of my life distilled into 5 words: “I need more than maybe.”

Everything I’ve wanted since I was old enough to know I wanted anything always seemed so relevant and possible, that it never occurred to me that I wasn’t entitled to it.  There was nothing waiting around the corner to sweep me off my feet or save me from myself.  If I was ever going to matter, it was going to be up to me to do something – to actually go after it until I got it.  And it would take so much intensity, commitment and tenacity, that trite though it may be – I can say with certainty – if I had known what I would have to go through to get to where I am, it would have been nearly impossible for me to force myself to begin.

I’m not saying that I’ve conquered all my demons, or arrived at any significant destination – but I’ve definitely reached a catharsis.  I’m spending my life in a way that makes me proud.  This record is both the result of the process of finally going after what I want, and the story of what led up to it…

These songs came together in coffee shops and around back yard campfires in Bozeman Montana, the only place in my world that has ever felt like home.  I spent countless weeks alone in the back room of Rite Track Recording with my laptop, my Pro Tools setup, three incredible microphones, and a few of the best musical instruments I’ve ever had the privilege of playing on; and I let myself feel everything about the hardest years of my life, and pushed my heart to the limit to make what I was feeling come out in every session.

I got a few other musicians involved, and the album came to life in a way I never thought it could. It wasn’t long until the songs started really feeling like the things I wrote them about when I listened, and moving me the way I hope they’ll move other people who might be fighting similar battles.

This record is me explaining my heart – as well as I’m capable – in a language that makes more sense to me than any other.

Thanks for listening.

– Aaron

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