After three weeks of international touring, I’m half way through my quick 40 hours back home before I fly out again. It’s a strange feeling to be packing for a red eye to New York for more tour shows mere hours after returning from Europe. It’s a wonderful feeling to have spent a combined total of a few hours… half way across the world… with several people who might just end up being lifelong friends.It’s infuriating to feel so much and feel totally at a loss for how to share it. It’s almost impossible to describe any of these feelings. Almost all of them ache deeply, but none for bad reasons. I have a so damn much to say that I can’t come up with words to sufficiently express.
Not even close.
And I think, when it comes down to it… this is the reason I’m a songwriter. With a song you can get a little closer to a feeling. Everyone feels things they can’t talk about. I would guess that we pretty much ubiquitously feel a little bit more alone, unique, and lost than we would be willing to admit to each other. If I can get closer to my own tough-to-describe feelings by telling a story with a song, then maybe a few people will feel less alone with those same things.
That knowledge has gotten me back on my feet a dozen times, when I’m not sure anything else would have. That knowledge helped me get out of bed on the days when my heart felt as cold and grey as the winter mornings outside.
Because, if I can add some kindness and understanding to the world, if I can help a few people open up their hearts and live, if I can help – in any way – to shine a light on the fact that we’re all hiding the same things from each other, and that’s the only reason we feel alone… then maybe this little passion-turned-hobby-turned-life’s-work will mean enough to make sense of the rollercoaster ride that got me here.
There is a fire in me that will not go out.
I can’t describe it.
If I could, I wouldn’t have to be a songwriter.